GRATEFUL FOR THE HARD THINGS ~Misty Urban

We have the little blue UTO box set up on our kitchen counter and it is already heavy; we are a household of many blessings. Fortunately, my husband leaves lots of coins in his coat and pants pockets. I brought the kids the Gratitude Journal sheets distributed at church, and we found that, like nighttime prayer, it’s easy to thank God for the highlights of the day: laughter with friends, a good grade in school, time spent with family, an event we’re looking forward to.

Recently, I was challenged to consider: what if you thank Him for the things that don’t seem like blessings at all?

For a long time I never understood Job, who even in his time of greatest affliction could declare: “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” And I’ve never gotten over the story a friend told me of a woman who, when found stranded by rescuers after Hurricane Katrina, was shouting, “God is good, y’all!” She had lost her house, most of her possessions, possibly people she loves, and this woman was testifying to the goodness of God. As my teen would say, wait, what?

Melody Beattie first challenged me with this notion in her book Make Miracles in Forty Days. She advises writing a daily list of things you are grateful for, but she suggests you add the things that are challenging you. The things you’re complaining about. The things you wish were different. She gives examples: “I am grateful for my shabby, messy house. I am grateful there’s no money. I am grateful my partner and I are arguing.”

For a long time, I resisted this advice. How could I possibly be grateful for the things that are breaking my heart?

Now, Beattie acknowledges some limits. She’s never going to say she’s grateful for losing her son; that’s an outright lie. But the point of the exercise is a shift in focus, leading you to reflect on what this struggle is asking of you. In the gratitude exercise that wraps up my nightly sleep meditation, my guide prompts me to list three things I am grateful for, but I have to state the reasons. “I am grateful for ____ because…”

When I list the things challenging me, the reasons I am ‘grateful’ are surprising: my struggles always, always lead me back to God. My difficulties make me turn to Him to ask for help. When I’m scared and confused or saddened by loss, I turn to Him. When I don’t get what I want, after enough brick walls, I turn to Him. Every single time I wrestle to be grateful for something that hurts me, I find the “because” is that this heartbreak led me to humility, prayer, and surrender.

When I turn to Him, I find fear turning to surrender, discomfort turning to tenderness, insecurity leading to peace. And when I try to see this as positive experience—that He might be teaching me something—I stop feeling hopeless or lost. I start feeling, in some small way, fortified.

Last week was a rough week. The kids can’t shake these colds. We had hard conversations about how you respond when something bad happens to someone who actionably represents values you don’t agree with. Between the shootings, the stabbings, and the reminders of 9/11, the world felt very scary.

I am grateful for the chance to reflect on my values and understand more firmly what I believe.

I am grateful to find that prayer brings solace.

I am grateful for trusting that peace can prevail even when disagreement is everywhere.

I am grateful to consider that the places that seem destroyed are places where, with God’s guidance, we can begin to rebuild.

I am grateful for every loss that keeps my heart tender.

I am grateful for the anchor of a faith that insists, boldly and in the face of seemingly contradictory evidence: God is good, all the time.

I am grateful to realize that surrender is not about giving up but about finding a better way forward.

I am grateful to remember, when the world seems overwhelmingly full of hate, that Jesus asks us to act out of love. That is the peace my heart needs. That is the path through the darkness.

As Rev Kev said in last week’s newsletter reflection: “gratitude can reshape our vision, turning us away from despair and towards joy.” I’m still wrestling with that angel, but I think I’m beginning to see his point.

I am grateful for a church family that provides refuge and the reassurance of Christ’s love and compassion. I am grateful we are all walking this path together.

May the week bring blessings for you and yours,

Misty Urban