Before We Can Move Forward

There is something appealing about reconciliation. We want broken relationships repaired. We want divided communities brought together. We want conflict to end and peace to take its place.

But sometimes we want reconciliation without doing the difficult work that comes before it.

We want to move on without talking about what happened.

We want forgiveness without confessing.

We want peace without speaking the hard truth that we were wrong.

And sometimes, we accept insincerity when we should hold out for repentance.

In Sunday’s reading from Romans, Paul writes, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.” A few verses later, he tells us, “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Those words belong together.

Paul does not tell us to make peace by pretending evil is not evil. Genuine love requires honesty about what has happened. Only then can we begin  seeking a different way forward.

We see something similar in the Gospel. Jesus tells his disciples the difficult truth about what lies ahead for him. Peter does not want to hear it. He wants another story. But Jesus will not pretend that everything is going to be fine simply because that would be easier to hear.

Truth can be uncomfortable.

Perhaps that is one reason reconciliation can be so difficult.

After apartheid ended in South Africa, the country established the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Its very name recognized something important: truth and reconciliation belong together. South Africa could not simply declare the past finished and expect its wounds to disappear. People needed opportunities to tell the truth about what had happened and acknowledge the harm that had been done.

Our circumstances may be very different, but the principle still has something to teach us.

Reconciliation requires truthtelling.

That is true between two people. If I have hurt someone, reconciliation cannot begin with my insistence that they forget about it. I first need to be willing to hear how they were hurt and acknowledge my part in it. The same is true when I am the one who has been harmed.

It is also true of communities and societies. We cannot repair wounds that we refuse to acknowledge. Whether we are confronting racism, poverty, violence, discrimination, or other injustices, reconciliation cannot mean simply telling everyone to stop talking about uncomfortable things so that we can get along.

Sometimes telling the truth will reveal that reconciliation is not yet possible. 

Paul seems to recognize this. “If it is possible,” he says.

Reconciliation requires participation from those involved. There must be some willingness to acknowledge the truth, take responsibility for harm, and seek a different way forward. One person can forgive. One person can refuse revenge. One person can choose not to return evil for evil. But one person cannot create a reconciled relationship alone. 

This connects with the promises we make in our Baptismal Covenant. We promise, with God’s help, to persevere in resisting evil, to seek and serve Christ in all persons, and to strive for justice and peace while respecting the dignity of every human being.

Notice that we promise to strive for both justice and peace.

Christian peace is not pretending everything is fine. Respecting someone’s dignity does not mean avoiding difficult truths. Sometimes respecting another person’s dignity means listening when they tell us something we would rather not hear. Sometimes it means having the courage to speak a truth ourselves.

Reconciliation is holy work.

But reconciliation without truth becomes little more than avoidance.

Before we can ask how to move on, we must first lay the groundwork.

We must ask: What truth do we need to hear before we can begin moving forward together?

Kevin+